Depression Again

The only useful purpose this blog serves for me personally is to keep track of my mood swings, so I can look back and see if there is any seasonality or pattern to them.

As such I should record that about 2.5 weeks ago I began to feel depressed, but thought it would just pass in a few days like it often does. About a week later I was overwhelmingly depressed, though not suicidal, and experiencing anxiety, intrusive thoughts and OCD symptoms.

I went back to the doctor I first saw for SAD last monday and have been back on Fluoxetine (20mg/day) for 6 days now, and am feeling a lot better than I was before - this seems soon for the pills to start working, so perhaps it is just placebo effect but no matter.

The fact that this depression began to set in with the onset of the winter weather perhaps suggests seasonal affective disorder. However I have also been under immense amounts of stress from university so perhaps it is related to that.

Flatmates Again

Dear flatmate who is never in, stole my food and then didn't wash up and fucked up the bin with the packaging of said stolen food, I know that due to your almost constant absence from the house, it is unlikely I can ever confront you about this, however I do hope that the thought that, when you do return, you might find some of your beer still in the fridge has not entered your mind, because such a thought couldn't be further from the truth you silly cunt.

In fact, seeing as how you fuck the rest of us over and hide from confrontation, perhaps I shall steal everything you buy until you are forced into a discussion on the subject.

Some people would call this childish, but then those are the people who are stealing other people's food and would rather get away with it.

3rd Year

Physicists tell us that time is not a constant, and that you can swap the chronological order of events that are not causally linked. They also tell us that, were we to travel faster than light, time would flow backwards.

This does not seem to make sense, but allow me to briefly explain: The faster you travel, the more energy is acting upon you. All energy is actually made up of particles, for instance gravity is made of gravitons, and these particles all have a tiny amount of mass. Therefore, the faster you travel, the more you weigh. Your weight increases exponentially as speed increases, and as more energy is required to move objects of higher mass, eventually as you add more energy you can no longer increase speed because to do so would add an amount of mass that would require more energy to move it than you are adding in the first place. This means that there is a finite maximum speed at which it is possible for anything to travel. Photons - the particles of which light is made of - travel at this maximum speed.

Now, to use an analogy borrowed from a TV science documentary, imagine you have a torch/flashlight and are standing on a train that is moving forward at 100 mph. The photons coming out of the torch cannot travel at the speed of light+100mph because the speed of light is the maximum possible speed anything can travel, this presents a paradox which is resolved because what happens in this instance is that the time the light is travelling through slows down, and if speed is distance over time then once the time is moving slower it all works out. Time can theoretically be slowed to the point at which it flows backwards.

Now, I like to think of this blog as like a mysterious tome which, if it somehow fell into my past by some freak accident involving faster than light travel, would tell me my own future. Therefore I am guilty of some dereliction of my fantastical duties insofar as I have written nothing of what has happened in 3rd year of uni so far. I will correct this forthwith:

I am still living in Fenham, I never see the new flatmate that has replaced Juntao because he is always in his room or at work or out. I have spent the last month at the flat without seeing my parents once but this is no escape from my mother who likes to send me emails full of trivia I don't care about. My dissertation idea has been accepted and I have secured a top political thought professor as an advisor, some girl on one of my modules has actually started talking to me so I'm considering like, actually bothering shaving and not dressing like a tramp to lectures, seeing as how someone else is making the effort to acknowledge my existence there now. Oh and I applied for a job at boots, using my personal tutor as a reference, and got rejected.

Presently at the flat we are engaged in an unspoken war over the kitchen bin. Basically I try to take it out when it gets pretty full, but last time someone else, rather than take out the clearly full bin, piled a load of shit on top of the already full bin bag and just left it, but I dealt with this anyway. Now this happened again, about a week ago, and I refuse to deal with it again, seeing as how the last time I saw the bin before some asshole started overfilling it, it wasnt full, so the corner of the kitchen is now overflowing with a huge mound of rotting food products. As is the backyard, incidentally, as someone has stolen our outside bin and we have been unable to simply steal someone elses to replace it like we did last year, as people now patrol the backstreet to defend their bins from the wave of bin thefts that is apparently going on.

Student Finance England Complaints Email Address

customer_complaints@slc.co.uk

The above is the complaints email address for student finance england. If you have ever had to deal with this shit heap, you will need it, and they don't make it so easy to find.

I hate these cunts.

Sertraline/Zoloft

Well, I went to the GP appointment. It wasn't as anxiety-inducing as the first time I saw a GP about anxiety/depression, but it wasn't a whole lot of fun either. One problem was that, having been secretly on SSRI's for a month beforehand, I wasn't really properly depressed so I don't think I really conveyed to him the extent of my anxiety/depression.

Anyhow, for some reason, rather than give me more fluoxetine, which was working perfectly, he has given me sertraline aka Zoloft (50mg a day) and I have to go and see him again in three weeks.

So, I guess we'll see how things go.

Well this is mildly terrifiying.

So yeah, awhile back I stopped taking my meds, got massively depressed, and now I want to go back on them again. Which means seeing my GP. Except he's on holiday. So it means seeing some other GP I've never seen before in my life...in about 90 minutes.

Yes, hello, See for about a year I was seeing this other doctor who gave me prozac, but then I stopped taking it without telling him for no real reason, and then I got massively depressed....can I have some prozac please?

I've been taking my left-over meds for the last month in order to try and overcome my anxiety to the point where I can go and see a GP, and now I'm trying to blunt my nerves with alcohol again. Because I'm literally that functional a human being!

Well, let's see how this prozac/booze fuelled visit to some unknown GP goes!

Valhalla Rising: Worse Than Cloverfield

I never thought I'd find a worse film than Cloverfield, but I just spent 90 minutes watching beardy men walk through fields. This is literally the entirety of Valhalla Rising. Some people say it is an artistic commentary on religion and the human condition, which has been disguised through marketing to look like an action film so the unsuspecting public will spend money on it, but it is not artistic in the slightest.

Here is a man in a field, look at his beard! Here is some atmospheric music as we show a wide-angle shot of men walking through a field! Look, here is a man in a field with a red-filter on the camera! And now back to normal colours! More fields! Here is a shot of a river ripped straight off a BBC nature documentary! Here is a man in a field again! 90 minutes. Of men, and fields, and beards.



And from the box and the marketing you are lead to believe that this is going to be a slightly shitter version of 300 or otherwise something that at least presents the macabre satisfaction of watching pretend-people have their pretend-limbs torn off.



Some time ago, on this very blog, I referred to Cloverfield as "a vacuum where a film should be", Valhalla Rising makes Cloverfield look like a masterpiece:

IT'S 90 MINUTES OF APATHETIC-LOOKING BEARDY MEN WALKING THROUGH FIELDS! 90 FUCKING MINUTES! YOU MIGHT AS WELL WATCH A FOOTBALL MATCH!